Like a perched rock in a stream of fresh water, a girl over 40 imagines the state of “spinsterhood” in which she is living. Alone in the room of her parent’s house, while life moves ahead of her without waiting. Her consorts are married, ladies and mothers. That is why she is overwhelmed with longing to be a mother, then gets jealous and pities herself.
She has been called by her small society the term “spinster”. And the women in the neighborhood were afraid of her for their husbands. Despite her fear of not getting married, she still thinks that choosing a life partner is not absurd, but needs a lot of patience and waiting. Perhaps the issue of “spinsterhood” to her was related to personal or professional matters preventing her from getting married or delaying it or to a desire not to marry!
Is it acceptable to describe and call her a “spinster” because of her free decision and choice or because of the will of fate?
The term “spinsterhood” is usually referred to women and men who are late in getting married or who have never been married. For social reasons, the word “spinster” has been associated with women more than men. And spinsterhood in Arabic is the rock in the water that causes slackness, and it is said: “the man is a bachelor”, that is, he grew up and did not get married. A man is called a “confirmed bachelor” if he grows up, reaches the age of marriage, and does not marry.
A woman is considered to be a spinster if she grows up and gets old in her parents’ house.¹ The term “spinster” appeared in ancient Arabic poetry and was intended for men in particular. As the poet ” Abu Qais Ibn Rifaahi” said: “We have the young who have just grown a mustache. And the spinsters and we have the juveniles and the Grays”.¹ The term “spinster” in English, refers to girls who did not get married or were late in marriage, and whose occupation was to spin wool.
The use of this term dates back to before the Industrial Revolution. Whereas “Oxford American Dictionary” puts the word “Spinster” in the “insulting” word box. Which has strong connotations, and cannot be taken in a neutral sense.²
The question remains without a reasonable and satisfying answer, for those who believe in the importance of equality between men and women. Even if it is a matter of setting adjectives depending on the “gender” characteristics. So if the nature of some societies, their religious, cultural, and social backgrounds and legacies impose discriminatory provisions on women more than men, is it acceptable to give in to them?
On most occasions, a woman is blamed for being a spinster and is considered a failure in marketing herself or maybe she lacked the qualities that make her desirable for marriage. All meanings included are inaccurate and incorrect, mistaken by the reality scene. It also includes wrong social and cultural concepts that consider women as only a marketable good. While a man who has grown old without marriage is not looked at in the same way. This conflicts with the holistic view of a woman as a full-fledged person.³
Without a doubt, the reasons for the aggravation of the phenomenon of “spinsterhood ” in Arab Communities are highly associated with social, economic, and political circumstances in these countries. For example: “the percentage of spinsterhood in Syria is rising close to 70%, according to the latest data of the Ministry of Social Affairs. The reasons are multiple, on top of which are war, migration, poverty, and the reluctance of young people to marry in all Syrian regions.”⁴
Based on the ministry’s statistics, about 3 million single Syrian women are over thirty. The percentage of spinsterhood in Syria is close to 70%, according to local social standards.”⁴ The reasons for the aggravation of the phenomenon of “spinsterhood” varies among the rest of the Arab countries. This is based on purely economic and social factors, such as expensive dowries, unemployment, and the intervention of the girl’s parents in deciding her destiny.
In addition, many women in the Arab world managed to achieve financial independence, and are convinced of the failure of the marriage institution. The reluctance of some men and women to marry, for personal reasons, represented some of them In finding the idea of a relationship “out of marriage” appealing.
The use of the term “spinsterhood”, in describing the situation of a woman’s delay in starting a marriage, established the injustice imposed on her by society. Considering this discriminatory description, the extremism, hyperbole and antagonism against her seem obvious.
The term “spinsterhood” has successfully created and provoked great controversy among civil society, organizations, institutions, and individuals defending women’s rights. And also within the reactionary currents that want women in the image formed by the emerged legacies from the womb of ideas and beliefs, which do not fit the position of women in the modern era.
Between “shadow of a man, not shadow of a wall” and ” we got married for shelter”. In some Arabic folk Proverbs, we find a sincere expression of the lurking fear in the girl’s soul from the ghost of spinsterhood or marriage. The proverb: “shadow of a man, not shadow of a wall” is a description of the suspicious status of the girls who are skeptical of the idea of not marrying or being with a man. The proverb: “we got married for shelter, God bless, the days of the scandal,” is a clear image of the failure of a marriage, which one’s hope was built upon.
Between the proverb and the current reality, which is different from what was the condition for women at the time of the invention and authorship of these proverbs, there is no harm in admitting that the phenomenon of” spinsterhood ” – with its causes and problems – still haunts some societies. But the treatment of “spinsterhood” is possible, by eliminating the grounds, through various means, the most important of which is to empower and uplift women, and change the stereotype about them.
Also read:
References:
[1] Wikipedia
[2] Wikipedia
[3] Aljazeera
[4] Alaraby